Through tears I write this

Ok, so I'm not really crying right now. Maybe I was a few minutes ago, as I was reading this. I was reading someone's blog (a recommendation from another friend's blog) and her life story about infertility and adoption. Now, I don't normally do that, cry while reading someone else's blog... especially someone I don't even know. But, it so tied in with what I'm going through lately and I felt I needed to share. Although I'm not battling infertility, and not considering adoption (at least not for a long time), I really have been struggling with this "mom" thing and needed some perspective. I got that perspective tonight. Jude has been going through his toddler phase. Whining, complaining, trying to get what he wants and getting so frustrated when he doesn't get it...yep, the works. At times I think I'm at the end of my rope with what to do. I don't want to raise a whiny boy who complains about everything. I know too many people like that and they are not pleasant to be around. So, after I emailed a couple of my awesome mom friends for advice, I left to go to the grocery store, thinking that I desperately needed time away from that little Tazmanian Devil. When I was at the grocery, I overheard a conversation that stopped me dead in my tracks. An employee walked up to a shopper and asked him "how is your son doing?" Which is a normal question you ask any parent whose kid you know. I figured the man's reply would be something normal like "my son's doing well in soccer this year" or "he's doing really well in school." He didn't reply as I thought. His reply was this "Well, he had his first round of chemo the other day. He didn't really know what was going on, so it was kind of hard." And then I stopped listening because my mind drifted to Jude and what I've been dealing with lately. I immedately felt convicted of my stupid attitude. At that moment, I started thanking God that we are dealing with normal toddler stuff, and not having to go through what that man and his family are going through or others who are going through things just as hard. When I read that blog that I mentioned earlier, I just broke down and cried, reading about her struggle with trying to get pregnant many times and not, then adopting her son, holding him and cherishing every minute with him....how much I have taken and continue to take for granted! I truly am blessed, and honestly, I really don't have it that bad.

So, with all of that being said, I've had some realizations lately that I'm gonna share.

• Lately, I've been spending way too much time on the internet. I need to spend less time doing that.
  
• I don't feel like I've been real lately. I've just been kinda coasting through life. Not a good way to live.
  
• I need to stop numbing myself! Been doing that a lot lately with tv and internet.
  
• I'm getting rid of my other blog and just having this one, for pictures, family stuff and me stuff. I'm tired of trying to keep up with so many different things.
  
• I want to start a blog design business. I'm learning about it and trying to set it all up, and I'm really excited!
  
• I need to stop sweating the small stuff. Jude is going through a phase (faze?) and yes, I need to deal with it, but not freak out all about it all the time.
• I really want to cherish my little boy. I do love him and the time I spend with him, he constantly keeps me laughing, but I need to take the time to cherish the little things, too. He is an awesome boy, and we are crazy about him. Can't you tell? I take a gazillion pictures of him ALL the time! :)